Today's run: 5.5 miles
Today, I was reading a blog post from Prior Fat Girl and she mentioned that, after losing a significant amount, she is happy at her current weight and doesn't feel the need to lose anymore. This got me thinking about why it's so hard for me to lose those last few pounds to get to my "ideal" weight, which is 10 pounds less than what I weigh now. I have had no motivation to count points, reduce carbs, reduce fat, or any of the other ways in which people lose weight. I've tried, and I'll go a few days on the wagon, but then I'll fall off as soon as I can't stand the hunger any longer.
I think that part of me is, dare I say, happy just as I am?
I'm not overweight and I'm fit. I can bound up staircases and walk AND run for miles without any trouble. I'm happy with my body and what I've achieved. I look decent in pictures and I can buy any type of clothes in my size. AND I don't have to starve to stay this way! So there is really nothing that I can think of that can motivate me to continue to try and lose weight. And that's probably why I've stayed pretty much the same weight for 4 years, despite all my efforts to lose the last 10 vanity pounds.
I'll never be model thin. I'm not sure I would look good that way anyway; I'd be a pole, no backside and no breasts. I almost lost the last 10 pounds last year (before my surgery), but it was a b**** to maintain even a pound of that loss. I had to workout for hours a day and live off of 1,000 calories a day net after my strenuous workouts. I ALWAYS went to bed hungry and my body constantly ached and was injured. All this just to weigh 142 pounds and be pretty much half a dress size smaller. Yeah, I notice I'm a little fluffier, but I'm also not always hungry and I'm not physically pushed beyond my limits.
I'm maintaining. Sure, I can't just eat until the cows come home. I will always have to be aware of how much I eat and, of course, eat as healthy as I can. But I'm maintaining and have been maintaining for 4 years. And that's something I can consider an accomplishment. I'm happy at this weight and at this activity level. I want to stay this way.
I want to be DONE losing weight. And I think, for the most part, I am.
And that's OK. I'm OK with that (I hope!)